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I like your description of hookup culture – rancid cesspool is about right. I'd like nothing more than to see it die. I used to hope that would occur before my daughter got to college (she's now a junior), but now I'm hopeful that the pendulum will swing back before her daughter gets to college.

I see my job as pointing out to women how they will benefit by waiting. If a woman wants a relationship, she needs to be smart about her sexual behavior. No one woman can change the prevailing norms around sex in our society. But she can improve her decision-making skills to exclude unworthy men. She will undoubtedly see a lot less action, but is more likely to find a much better man.

13 clessalvein November 15, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Solid, and I agree with you.

I think that hookups generally fail to produce relationships, and the relationships that come out of it tend to be short and of low quality. In the long run, I think the hookup culture is harmful because it tends to divorce sexual desire and emotional intimacy in people, which leaves them serving two conflicting masters.

There isn't much “dating” in college, but that's because people tend to meet through friends of friends, so there's no need to make active effort to go out and meet people.

I think the best way to form relationships is through social circle and becoming friends first, although that's rare. Second is traditional (somewhat rigid and forced) dating. Hookup culture is a distant third. I don't think it's of any value.

I also think that being a virgin until college graduation is not as bad as it's made out to be, especially for a woman. A 25-30 year-old male virgin is in trouble, but a 25-year-old female virgin is very hotly desired and has a huge advantage over women her age who hooked up in college.

14 VJ November 15, 2009 at 8:20 pm
[Sorry if this double posts]

While it's always going to be somewhat difficult to separate 'sex from politics', since they've more or less traveled together for various reasons & purposes for yes, eons, (think about the gradual 'empowerment' and/or emancipation of women here up from chattel slavery often described the Bible until today). It'll be a damn slight greater trick however to try and separate out sex from 'deception', which has been going on biologically since, well, since the year jot, presumably. It's one of the foundations of evolution actually. HambyD presumably could tell us that too.

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