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I take no pleasure writing this but it has to be written. This is me in black and white. For so many years, when people have complained about my actions while drunk, I’ve defended me saying that was the booze not me. But the horrible reality is it most certainly is me and the sooner I face that, the sooner I can do something about it.

I am somebody who likes to feel that something has been achieved every single day. I enjoy putting my time to good use. It’s soul-destroying to think that a whole year has been a waste of time, but that’s the truth. Why? I didn’t stick to my own rules.

It takes a lot of guts to live the life of a renegade. But it’s one thing to be unconventional. It’s a whole other thing just being nuts. My mother thinks I should go back to my previous life in the corporate world.

God bless her, she thinks I could walk into any boardroom and wow the corporates with my natural nose for business. The only thing they’d be wowed by is my natural knack to roll from one to crisis to another.

Earlier this year I wrote about quitting hash. I’ve done that, I’m happy to say. I also quit meat. Both these things I quit with the crazy idea that it would help my love life. Don’t ask for the logic. All in all it’s been a disastrous year in the love department. Other women often have problems getting rid of men from their lives. I never have that problem. The boys run a mile and with good reason.

But what I am going to do? The fact is I didn’t jump. I lived. And as mental as you may think I am while you’re reading this post (thanks for reading this far), I’m writing it with a positive intention.